I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Halloween is the Holiday of the Gods October 31, 2011

Filed under: My Life,Pictures of Me,Things I've Made — Stephanie Fantastic @ 4:47 pm
Tags: , , , ,

image

image

image

image

It’s no secret that I will elaborately dress up for little to no reason so it should be obvious that my favorite holiday every is Halloween. Amidst the whirlwind of HorriblyAdorable orders I’ve been scrambling to finish in time for Halloween, I totally managed to make myself a costume. Go me! I’ve Big Topped my house and I have candy so I had better have some dang trick or treaters this year! What’s wrong with kids these days? I trick or treated until I was like 18. (Shut up.)

 

A Weekend in Review: Long Beach Mardi Gras and 80s Night at the Hully Gully March 7, 2011

My calves are a-sore from walking and dancing the weekend away. I was super jazzed about a night of debauchery and booze at the 2nd Annual Long Beach Mardi Gras, which promised costumes, music, and New Orleans flavor. They had a parade at 3, but I missed it because I’m a layabout and I just couldn’t get out of the house in time despite a relatively early start. I heard later from some Canadian adventurers that the parade was joyous and colorful and completely confusing because they did not remember Compton being so friendly-looking.

We arrived in Long Beach around 3:30 and the parking was plentiful, but kind of a pain in the ass. If you plan on going next year, bring cash so you don’t have to wander around looking for an ATM and also free parking so you can use said ATM. I didn’t have to do that because I somehow had cash on me, a rare occurrence, but Ernie was totally screwed. Whoops. When we got there, the children’s section was only mildly bustling despite the opportunity to jump in one of several bounce-houses, make masks, and play in a giant balloon floating in a pool of water. I really wanted to play in a giant balloon in a pool of water but the sign told me I had to ask about the weight limit and I figured if I had to ask, I was too heavy.

We wandered away from the kids section and people attempted to sell me beads from stalls even though I obviously didn’t need them.

image

See that yellow and pink bag? It’s chock full of nothing but beads and glitter. Ernie and I wandered away from the kids’ section in search of some debauchery but everywhere we looked were strollers and toddlers. Where was I supposed to throw my beads?! Past the art for sale and the puppet animal stalls, past the bead stalls and picnickers we went in search of the fabled Party Gras. We headed toward the press of people on the pier, but when we got there, that’s all there was really. Just lots of people, milling about. There were costumes a-plenty, more than a few pirates, and an Elvis on stilts who sweet-talked all the ladies.

image

Interspersed in the crowd were more children, being sticky and preventing any boobs. I still gave out a lot of beads though, because I believe in fun.

We wandered around the various shops, which were eerily reminiscent of Seattle’s Pike Place. All the buildings on the pier were super brightly painted, so of course I wanted to live in all of them. There were a couple of jazz bands and we accidentally went into a fenced-off area where our bags needed to be checked for whatever reason, but there really wasn’t anything going on. When we were satisfied that we’d seen everything that was happening, we joined a friend for dinner and drinks in the hopes that when we left, there would be less kids and more drunk, promiscuous women showing off their tits. By the time we got out of Bubba Gumps, where everyone in the damn restaurant is celebrating their 21st birthday until the end of time, there were pretty much no people on the streets. It was unfortunate because we had dragged old Lames Foreman out to Mardi Gras with the promise of boobs, but I had another engagement to rush off to so, disappointed though I was, I had to dash anyway.

I was off to 80s Night at the Hully Gully with the lovely Sara and her friend Maria. I had never been, but it was lots of fun. Basically, there are two rooms with bars and a dance floor inside and a DJ blasts 80s music at everyone and they 80s dance all night. I generally don’t dance so 80s dancing, which from what I observed mainly consists of shuffling from foot to foot, was an easy way to get into it. I was apparently good enough at shuffling because I garnered the attention of a relatively cute guy who had apparently been told that 80s dancing consisted of two-handed grabbing ladies butts and then rubbing your junk on them.

When we parted company with him and made for the much cooler smoking patio, we happened upon the aforementioned Canadian adventurers and told them many tales of dildos and lube accidentally left where everyone could see. It was still Mardi Gras for me so I gave all three of them beads and FINALLY got to see some exposed chests.

image

image

image

All around a fun weekend, although yesterday I came about as close to death as I’ve ever been. Ernie and I were driving home after midnight on the 241-S, the toll road that is the only freeway into Rancho Santa Margarita. It wasn’t raining so much as maliciously misting. Ernie drives a lot slower than I do, but we hit a puddle of water or something and our car was suddenly spinning out of control. We spun at least twice, then unintentionally Tokyo drifted across the wide, grassy median, and ended up across two lanes on the 241-N, completely unscathed. It was the glass lamps falling on me at Tuesday Morning but on a much grander scale. Something’s watching out for me. Once we’d gotten the engine back on, Ernie got off the freeway and got back on going the way we needed instead of just driving back over the median like I wanted to. It was probably for the best. It looks like our car got out miraculously unharmed too, although it is completely filthy and there is a lot of plant matter all up in the rims. I pulled out a dandelion before work today.

Back on topic though, the Hully Gully was a much better time than I could have expected, not being fanatical about 80s music or dancing where people can see me. Our friends from the North helped a lot with that though. And the Long Beach Mardi Gras had potential but was unorganized and lacked the type of shameless people who would really make it shine. I’ve never actually been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans however, so I really have no basis for comparison.

 

Twins January 13, 2011

I have a twin named Ashley. When I tell people I have a twin, the reaction is generally along the lines of, “There’s another one of you out there somewhere?!” Not exactly. We were born on the same day, but we’re fraternal twins. We are very obviously different people. As babies, we were easy to tell apart even in the same outfit. I was completely bald for a bit and she had lots of brown hair right out of the womb. It was more obvious when I grew bright blonde hair and she got glasses. Something about the word “twins” turns people’s brains off though. Ashley and I were in class together for three years when we started school. Our three kindergarten teachers (it was a strange set-up) basically refused to learn our names. We were refered to as, “OH LOOK, HERE COME THE TWINS! WHICH ONE’S WHICH?! I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU GIRLS APART!” I can’t understand that at all. Not only did we look completely different, but we also acted completely different. Even at that age, we were different people. I could only assume that they were all too lazy to learn which name went where.

As proof of what I’m saying, here are some photos of us as children.

image
Oh wait, that’s just me. But I can’t think of another reason to show this picture and I was clearly the coolest kid ever.

image
That’s my twin in the back there. Notice how she’s holding a lizard and I’m apparently a 6 year old hussy. Completely different personalities!

image
And of course, in the same soccer uniform. MY GOD IT’S UNCANNY HOW ALIKE WE LOOK.

When a new principal came to our school as we were entering third grade, she demanded that all twins be split up into different classes. At the time, I couldn’t understand why it mattered, although I was glad that I wasn’t going to have someone copying off my homework anymore. Now though, I really appreciate her splitting us up. It not only forced people to see us as separate people with different strengths and weaknesses, but also made me and Ashley make our own friends and operate more independantly of each other. It’s easy to count on one person to be there as a companion to the exclusion of all others and as twins, we learned from birth that there would always be another person to confide in and play with. Taking us our of our comfort zones helped us grow as people.

By the time I hit high school, Ashley had been held back a grade and we had our own bffs to hang out with at school and on the weekends. It completely threw me, therefore, when my Ceramics teacher approached Ashley during lunch to yell at her for cutting class all the time (which I never had but it’s a really long, stressful story about sickness). Up until then, I figured my teachers and extended family were just never sure which name was assigned to which kid. Surely they could tell us apart? It’s not like the only difference is a couple of moles in different places. We’re not even the same height or shape! Also, and I hate to bring it up even though it’s really funny, Ashley didn’t shower for about ten years. She had this very carefully cultivated ungodly reek. We were both of the black t-shirt persuasion in high school, but I had much better hygiene and I brushed my hair and I was pretty put out that my teacher (who I’ll never forgive for not being Paul Dinello) couldn’t smell the difference.

Once again, this is Ashley.
image

And here we are together all growed up.
image

 

Birthday Dress! December 2, 2010

Sorry, this is not the same as a birthday suit. I’m about to gush a bit, so if you don’t care about sewing, skip to the pictures. As I’ve mentioned before, I always expect to be able to walk into any retail outlet and spot the perfect dress for whatever occasion I’m attending immediately as I walk in the door, but since I generally already have a very clear idea of exactly what I want, this does not happen. This year I decided ahead of time that I wasn’t even going to set foot in a store. I’d only be disappointed. This year, I was going to make my own birthday dress and it would be exactly what I wanted in exactly my size.

On the recommendation of a friend (and later an awesome random woman at Joann’s where I was scouring the patterns for the perfect base pattern), I saved my fabric-buying for a store in Anaheim called M&L Fabrics. If you live anywhere near Anaheim and you sew, I’d definitely recommend it also. The atmosphere isn’t as bright and open as your average Joann’s, and if you want pretty much anything other than fabric or trims you’ll have to make two trips, but the prices are insanely low. All the fabric for my dress was $1.98/yard, which made it possible for me to make the biggest dress ever for about $70. I’m Jewing, lol. I usually don’t talk about prices, but it really made making my own clothes in my own style a lot more affordable. Of course, the ladies cutting my highlighter-green fabric looked at me like I was effing crazy, but they’ll just have to get used to my blinding fashion choices.

So here it is! I wouldn’t let anyone post any pictures of this dress until after my party on the 27th, but then I waited forever to actually post any, although if you’re observative, you can see it’s what I’m working on in Jake’s shoot. All of the good pictures were taken by Jamie, who is generally great.

image

image

image

image

At some point during the party, every sparkly thing in the house was put in my hair. You can tell I’m really broken up about it.

image

image

 

The Great Sewing Shoot November 15, 2010

image

Thanks to Jake Reinig for the great photoshoot, and for buying me lunch and not murdering me even though I met him off the internet. Also, for the lol I got when I actually looked at his business card just now.

image

Simple, but telling. Mr. Reinig, in addition to being King Awesome, is currently attempting to get 100 photos of people being themselves so if you’d like to help him out, contact him on his web site, linked above. He’s a fun guy and he’ll make you feel at ease. Good luck, Jake!