I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Tatas Through Time was a joy! February 14, 2011

I know I haven’t been able to shut up about Hell on Heels for the last week, but I went to their Tatas Through Time show on Saturday at the Brick by Brick and it was such a blast!

The Brick by Brick, in case you’ve never been there but plan on going (for example, to Hell on Heels’ next show ;D), is tucked inconspicuously away behind the Bull’s Smokin’ BBQ and Saloon, which is also pretty awesome. Tatas Through Time was retro dress optional for the audience and, as you know, I fucking love dressing up. I called up my ex-hairdresser mom and my fabulous grandma and they gave me the most ridiculous beehive for the show. This thing was obscenely big and full when they first teased it onto my head, but my hair is notorious for not doing what hairspray wants. Check out that progression:




My grandma’s only warnings about the beehive were to stay away from open flames and to avoid humidity because it would make my hair frizz. Well, I did pretty well avoiding open flames, but the Brick by Brick was so packed for the show that every single person was intimately acquainted with every person around them so frizz I did. No room for a stray boner in there. Good thing we weren’t seeing anything sexy–oh wait…

When we first walked in, there was a girl laid out on a table in nothing but pasties, nude panties, and a garnish of strawberries in whipped cream. This is about the only thing I got a picture of because once we packed in for the show, there was no room or energy for dicking around with a camera.

The show was an absolute delight though. The girls were sparkly and energetic and even their scantily clad clean-up dame was showy and bubbly as she tidied up the glittering, discarded gloves and bras and assorted costume bits and brought out the next act.

I of course had an interest in Miss Ginger N. Whiskey because she was wearing my pistol pasties in her Bonnie Parker act and my sheriff stars in her Calamity Jane act, but I would have had to give her a mention even if she hadn’t been because she was absolutely adorable in every way. Her act was very classy and she had such an innocent energy. I was immediately smitten. Check out the pasties! I worked so hard on them and I was bummed that I couldn’t get any good pictures of them on stage. Nothing makes you feel like a pervert quite like attempting to take a picture of something that is nipple-mounted.





All the girls were amazing. The Betty Boop act knocked us dead, and I almost swooned when Rosie the Riveter took off her jumpsuit to reveal a red, white, and blue glitter corset, then again when she removed the striped corset to reveal a glitter blue bra with a giant star in the middle. And while each girl rocked, my entire group fell madly in love with the Amazon woman Bibi Bordeaux. Pictures are great, but seeing this woman in action is a treat. She was graceful and coy and her act really played into the glorious burlesque tradition of showing just the right amount of skin at any given moment but always keeping the audience straining to see more.

The Hell on Heels troupe is already hard at work on their next show, Dangerous Curves Ahead, which will be on April 1st also at the Brick By Brick. Plan ahead and see them! They’re better and cheaper than a movie. If you missed Tatas Through Time, you missed out on the most entertainment you could possibly get for $10!


Hell on Heels! February 8, 2011

Filed under: Etsy,Things I've Made — Stephanie Fantastic @ 9:22 pm
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Hey guys! I just wanted to remind you that if you’re near San Diego, Ca, Hell on Heels will be performing Tatas Through Time at the Brick by Brick (1130 Buenos Ave, San Diego, Ca 92109) on Saturday, February 12th. The show starts at 10:30 PM, but the doors open at 9 PM. It’s only $12 at the door, $10 if you dress in your finest retro gear, so come on out! I’ll be down there in costume to see my first pair of pasties on stage.


My Pasties Might Grace the Stage January 25, 2011

Filed under: Etsy — Stephanie Fantastic @ 4:58 pm
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I’m super excited about being contacted by Hell on Heels to make a couple pairs of pasties for their Tatas Through Time show. I won’t give anything away, but all information about the show is on their blog. So if you’re in the San Diego area on Saturday, February 14th, and you have $10 to spare, come down and enjoy a rocking burlesque show with me!


Oh goodness. October 21, 2010

Filed under: Etsy,Who's Talking About Me — Stephanie Fantastic @ 9:12 pm
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I think I might be a meme now.

I actually sold a pair of pasties to a girl who said she was going to pair them with a tutu and use them as a costume. Lol, sorry about that.


Sprinkle Shoot! October 20, 2010

I did a photoshoot a couple weeks back with the fabulous Robert Neil. I’m still waiting on the rest of the pictures, but since I’ve had so many Regretsy hits and I’m obsessed with my boobs (well, I’d do me), I figured I’d put the ones I have up early. And I’d like to reccommend Robert Neil with all my heart if you’re in the Torrence area and you want some sexy photos of yourself. He was so laid back and so professional, which is insanely important when I’m letting a stranger photograph me semi-nude. The whole shoot, which was mostly for my friend Shannon, was super fun. Thanks Robert!


This one I like. The second one here, I think is a little Cory in the House, lol.





Okay, this is going to be half-rant/half-fakey-politics. August 20, 2010

I have a few things that have been floating around my mind for a couple days. One: I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me because my boobs are on the internet. I know, Normal People, that doesn’t make any sense, right? Now I don’t want to be a jerk because I think that these ladies who are e-mailing me and talking to me at the store imagine some creepy guy with a camera leering and saying, “You wanna sell pasties, kid? Well take that top off then! You’re never gonna be a staaaaaah if you’re not willing to show a little skin!” while simultaneously attempting to covertly masturbate. I just want to assure everyone that there is no creepy guy. I repeat, NO CREEPY GUY is coming to my house and taking compromising pictures of me. Every topless photo you’ve ever seen was taken by my loving and NOT creepy bee eff after I ran up to him and told him to feast his eyes on all the views that pastie-sellers with actual models got by comparison to the ones without and asked if he would help me out AFTER asking if he was okay with the idea. I mean, seriously, take a look. Which pictures do you click on? The ones that are professionally- and well- photographed and the ones with beautiful women wearing them.

So you don’t need to pray for me, Lady At The Joann’s Cutting Counter and frankly, I was a little bit offended that you would be so self-righteous as to tell me you would. And Ms. Eden from Etsy, you don’t have to feel sorry because I am in no way being coerced to take off my top. I take off my top because I’m making and selling a product that goes on a part of the female anatomy that cannot be seen with a top on. I am in no way uncomfortable with showing my body off, and even my grandma knows I’m doing it. And I don’t get off on it, contrary to your insinuation, but I have to admit that if I could get pictures of myself like the ones the girls at GothFox take, I could die happy.

So I guess what I’m getting at is that it’s not like I ever plan on running for office and even if I did, I now have a blog that has a stockpile of mud to be slung back at me. A few topless photos won’t be the only nail in my glittery coffin.

So, remember how I was talking about how I’m not uncomfortable spreading tens of topless photos around on the endless internet? Well, this is point number two: My bee eff was talking about a Muslim woman who is suing Disneyland because she didn’t want to take off her head-scarf for religious reasons and they fought her on it. (Trust me, that wasn’t just a feint so I could talk about something I know almost nothing about. I’m actually going somewhere with this.) I personally think that that’s great for her to stand up for her culture and her beliefs. Ernie (bee eff) says that Disneyland has a very strict costuming policy and that she shouldn’t work there if she has issues with any of the costumes, and he, of course, brought up the guy who sued Hooters for not letting him be a waiter there. (Okay, it might have been me who brought that guy up, but someone ALWAYS brings that guy up.) Now I think we all agree that that guy is seriously lame, but what if a fat chick wants to work at Hooters? Is she lame for wanting to work there? Is a girl who is skinny but ugly lame for wanting to work there?

Okay, I’m completely off the topic I was originally getting to. Her culture. It’s awesome that she is strong enough to say, No. I will not compromise who I am and what I believe for you, Employer. (This is all speculation because I did absolutely no research and don’t plan to, in case it makes people think I’m a legitimate source of opinions and information.) Maybe if we all stood up for our beliefs, we wouldn’t be working on Christmas and Thanksgiving and Halloween and missing our families until we’re old enough or have enough senority to get those days off. We’re a country of immigrants taking advantage of newer immigrants. People on the news bitch and whine about the influx of Middle Easterners and Mexicans, but why? Just from an economic standpoint, now you’ve got more people to work on days that your religion makes you resentful for having to work on.

Every company should give you at least three holidays that you can take off, no questions asked. If you REALLY don’t want to work Christmas, I’m sure there’s a Jewish guy or a disaffected nihilist who will swap the day for you if you let him go to his important celebration. If the old hippie at your work wants to use his three free days a year for Burning Man, who are you to say that’s any less important than Easter? If more people stood up for what was important to them and stopped bullshitting about what isn’t, we wouldn’t have such an unforgiving work environment.

I guess what I’m getting at is that we all have different limits and different reasons for doing what we do. If you could use the overtime and your kids are all living in different states and you have no problem working Thanksgiving, work it so that the dad of three whose entire extended family flies to his house just for his wife’s amazing dinner can help her make stuffing and shuck corn. Then, when you’re really excited about your 4th of July barbecue and he usually does nothing, you can pay him back. We’re all just human. I know a little bit of paying it forward probably won’t change any CEOs minds, but it sure as hell makes having to work so you can live in a house with a toilet a lot easier.

Okay, I lied. I actually forgot how I was going to tie together my first and second points. It was going to be ingenius though, let me assure you. Oh well, chew on that a little bit, The Internet, and let me know what you think. (It’s okay if you think I’m full of shit. I am, a little, just like everyone else.)


A model? Me?! August 6, 2010

Filed under: Etsy,Who's Talking About Me — Stephanie Fantastic @ 12:47 pm
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This will be a relatively short post, but I just wanted to spread the word about FrenchFlair, an etsy site on which I might soon be featured in paint. Needless to say, I’m excited. I’ll post more details as they come. Maybe he’ll give me a discount on one of the paintings so I can embarrass my future children with it! I can only hope. ;D