I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Awkward Sexual Dream January 31, 2011

Okay, I wrote a new song. It’s a little short, but I couldn’t imagine adding a single word. Sorry, coworkers, I’ve had a sexual dream about all of you without exception. (Okay, not really, but just assume I’ve been doing you in my sleep anyway.) Also, if you see me sneaking a sideways look, it’s because I was recording this at work as all the kids were walking home from school, which is the same reason I didn’t re-record it the right way around and with a less cumshot-looking still. I’m a responsible adult!

And here are the lyrics!

I felt you hard against my leg
And now we’re goin’ all the way
It’s just dick; I can’t resist
It’s like my boyfriend don’t exist

Kiss me, touch me, worship me!
I can’t believe this got so dirty
Sweat and chest and thighs,
Ass and boobs, contented sighs
Put it anywhere
Yell and curse and pull my hair

And just before
I get there
I’m awake
And I swear
Meetin’ your eye at work is gonna be hard.


I will have none of it. November 15, 2010

Okay, I have an issue. I woke up yesterday morning to an anonymous (read: pussy) commenter calling me a grotesque and disgusting disgrace to humanity. Normally, I’m not too concerned with negative comments. You’re welcome to not like me or the things I do. It’s okay. I don’t need you to like me. But I do think “disgrace to humanity” is a bit of an overreaction to a few boobs and some admittedly immature posts. I would like to advise said commenter that if s/he does not approve of what I post on my personal blog, s/he can get the fuck off my page and go back to the safe bubble s/he’s been living in since the invention of the internet.

Of all the offensive things on the internet, I’m sure I don’t even make top 1,000. The same would definitely go for all the awful, twisted people out there. My message on this blog, in between the silly drawings and the teen rap songs, has always been to love yourself for who you are because you’re awesome; to stop worrying what other people will think and just do what you love to do, wear what you want to wear, and accept others for who they are in turn (i.e. stop being the dick that’s making other people worry).

So I’m sorry, Anonymous Poster, if you had “the distaste” of reading my blog. You’ll live and so will I. But just out of curiosity, do you think I’m “killing millions of people in animal-like ways” disgraceful or just “molesting thousands of children in the name of the Lord” disgraceful?