I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Hey, you look fat! Buy this! October 21, 2010

Filed under: Half-Assed Product Reviews,My Job,Things I've Done — Stephanie Fantastic @ 6:04 pm
Tags: , ,

So I have to vent about the dumbest thing that happened to me yesterday. I was trundling along, doing my boring security job. The rain had stopped so I was feeling a little better because there would be a standstill in the continuing frizziness and curliness of my hair, and I figured at least people would roll their windows down to deal with my ass. Nothing doing with the latter. This guy drives up past me and up to the arm without looking over, his car nearly in the hedges that line my little shack. I stare at the side of his face through his closed window for a second before walking up to him. Without rolling down his window, he jabs a finger at his dashboard. Okay, he has a pass. The trick was in inserting myself between his car and the hedges to read the number and date off of it, since this guy was clearly too lazy to pick it up and show it to me. I get the number, timestamp his shit, half-heartedly wave him on, and get back to whatever I was doing.

About an hour later, he pulls up again, again so far up so that he has to look back at me. He rolls down his window, makes a show of looking me up and down, and says, “You know anyone who’s looking to lose weight?” in the conspiratorial whisper of the guy trying to sell you fake Rolexes in movies.

“Is it some kind of creepy scam?”

“No, of course not.” He hands me his card.



At this point, I was skeptical and aggravated. This guy didn’t give me the time of day an hour ago- couldn’t even roll down his window or lift a card up– but now he’s got a quota to fill and my fat ass is looking like a sweet payout. Fuck that guy. And fuck the chubby-looking guy in the tiny picture on the card. Worst salesman ever. Also, can you read that sentence on the bottom of the back? What does that even mean?


4 Responses to “Hey, you look fat! Buy this!”

  1. Angela Says:

    Anything with the word “Radical” in it has to be awesome, right?

    No, probably not.

  2. Ashton Says:

    I spent over 6 years working security. It really teaches you alot about human nature, and d-bag salesmen.

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