I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

More Like H O Gay June 2, 2010

I haven’t talked much about my silly job in a while, which is probably a good thing, but there’s something that’s been bugging me since I started security. HOAs. Home-Owners Associations. Why do those exist? And furthermore, why do rich people want to live in areas with them so bad? If I had a bunch of money, the one thing I wouldn’t do is go live somewhere where people tell you what to do all the time. If I want to paint my two million dollar house Mexican Ice Cream Shack Pink, then I should damn well be able to. I paid TWO MILLION DOLLARS for it. Does it jerk me off too? Only when I want it to. Because it’s a fucking two million dollar home!

I can kind of understand the people who move into these HOA communities because they want to be board members. They love the power trip of micromanaging important issues such as their neighbors’ lawn care and guests. I get that they were in ASB and student government all through high school and college and can’t get enough of making useless decsions. Maybe if I had participated in student government, I too could have the thrill of telling the city to put stop signs up. So those people I get. But what about the relatively laid back people? What motivates the seemingly reasonable people who feel it’s their right to park their cars on the street in front of their own TWO MILLION DOLLAR home overnight to move into places where they’re not allowed to? It’s completely beyond me.

I’m very far from owning a home, but I’m kind of glad I got this job because I would have known absolutely nothing about HOAs otherwise and may have thought that they aren’t so bad when compared to the location/beauty/etc of my prospective new home. Now I know otherwise. I will never live in a place with an HOA. If I want wind chimes or a garden or to let my friend spend the month at my house, you’d better believe I’m not going to deal with a panel of busybodies telling me no.

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