I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Jeffrey Combs: Horror Movie Actor or God Among Men? May 2, 2010

I think you know which. It all started with Re-Animator, a movie version of the Lovecraft story Herbert West: Re-Animator. My sister had netflixed all three movies and one of my online johnnies had told me it was good, so Brittany and I sat down to watch, and we fell in love with the Combs. He was perfect. His acting was excellent, his character was both demented and irresistible, and the movies were actually pretty damn good. Both Combs and his straight-man costar Bruce Abbot played their characters consistently throughout the movies, Combs going as far as to have little gestures and habits in character and keeping those gestures and habits over the 30 years these movies were shot in. We watched that series hundreds of times and enjoyed all three movies just as much as the first time every single time.

But it wasn’t enough Jeffrey Combs to satisfy our need. We branched out and started watching other movies with him in them. This was a huge pain in the ass because Jeffrey Combs has been in about a million movies for about five minutes each. We must have sat through every movie ever made for an hour’s worth of Jeffrey Combs. Not that there weren’t great (read: terrible) Combs movies like From Beyond, where he’s at his peak hotness, and Castle Freak, where a tortured, dickless man-child tries to kill Combs’s entire family. With the aid of a fake nose and chin, he appropriately played H. P. Lovecraft in Necronomicon: Book of the Dead, the intermediary stories of which I can’t remember at all and couldn’t even say if they were good, and he was the terrifying doctor in House on Haunted Hill, which left me afraid of the dark for ages. He did Attic Expeditions with Seth Green and Ted Raimi, which is so close to him being in a movie with Bruce Campbell I was on the verge of nerdgasm, and he saved the day in Fortress, which was totally watchable. One of the most watchable movies Combs has ever done, however, was The Frighteners, which Brittany owned on VHS and we used to watch way before we had realized Combs’s greatness. Later, I got busted trying to download it and Cox shut off our internet. And, of course, he’s all fucking over the place on Star Trek.

He has done a lot of totally shit movies though and I don’t understand why because he’s a great actor and he always stands out as the best performer in any movie he’s in. It wasn’t hard for him to stand a head above the rest in what was arguably the worst movie ever made, Faust: Love of the Damned, which Brittany and I wrote a review about that, get this, 7 out of 12 people found useful. See if you can find it. It’s called Faust: Love of the Damned Killed My Baby. And who could forget the Sci Fi (before it was SyFy) original movie Hammerheard: Shark Frenzy? Yea, I know. It was a terrible movie and I’m sorry you sat through it if you did. Brittany and I wrote our own ending where the sharkman impregnates the girl and bites up part of her face and they all live as a fucked up, mutilated family on the island and the movie was a little more tolerable.

Months after I’d watched Re-Animator and has blossomed into a Jeffrey Combs-obsessed teenager, I thanked my online john for suggesting it to me because I’d absolutely loved it and he said he’d never heard of it. Cue the spooky music!

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