You know what doesn’t fit into a 50’s-style future, all plated in silver and sparkling? Pooping. I’m done with it. When are we going to get nanobots that live on poop and repair our bodies from the inside out? The year 2000 came and went and I don’t have any shiny silver boots. I want hover car accidents that rain debris down on pedestrians like the fiery hand of God, pills that heal what ails you in a matter of seconds, and sexbots. That’s right. Sexbots. What else are we going to use technology for? It always comes back to our junk eventually. Take to the streets, folks. We need to tell the government to quit dicking around and get on making us into the future I so desperately deserve. And yes I understand that we all have tiny, handheld computers that take the internet around with us but that’s so last year. It’s not glamorous at all. Not like nail polish that changes color with your outfit or metal corsets.
Goddamnit, this is the future! April 17, 2010