I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

I’m Fat April 14, 2010

Filed under: My Opinions (Not Necessarily Good or Right) — Stephanie Fantastic @ 3:49 pm
Tags: , ,

I’ve always been a bit overweight and it doesn’t generally bother me. I don’t have a problem eating right because my body is one huge baby that cries migraine whenever I eat something too processed and gross. But I mean, exercise is hard, amiright? Well, not THAT hard, but you know what I mean.

With all the plastic surgery going around, I’ve always entertained the idea of just having someone carve my body into the right awesome shape. Of course I wouldn’t want to pay for it, but I love the idea. Recently, I’ve been considering that idea further and I would love to have a Christ Party. The plastic surgeon would cut me into the most aesthetically pleasing shape he could and I’d have a goddamn barbeque with the meat! Eat of my body and be delighted! The only problem with this idea, I realized much later, was that if I was getting cut up, most of what would be cut off would be fat and I know I don’t want to eat fat.


6 Responses to “I’m Fat”

  1. Danielle Says:

    STEPHANIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are Hooooooot, like, insanely hot, like delicious yum hot.

    YAY! The power of Christ compels you! Get in my belly!


    You are perfect exactly the way that you are. Always, yum.


  2. Stephanie Says:

    Lol, I think I’m pretty great too, but I love the idea of feeding myself to people.

  3. Samuel Says:

    me being the awesome sweeny T. fan i am,
    would like to confess that actually entertaining this idea
    stikes me as rad.
    and on top of the sadistic pleasure, my expirimental part of
    my brain says “hm we’ve never try’d human me preasious”.

    (also yes the expirimental part of me is in fact a whole different person all together.)

    • Stephanie Says:

      Lol, your experimental side is a cannibalistic Golem. It’s perfect though! You can’t feel bad about sampling human flesh if you’re not actually killing anyone and the person you’re eating is hanging out next to you looking smoking hot!

      I used to try and label the many facets of my personality kicking around in my brain but I’m so lazy.

  4. Jill Says:

    You could always use the fat as shortening and make cookies, tortillas, and fried chicken.

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