I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Fuck housewives March 20, 2010

I can’t wait to run for office and have this used against me.  Just kidding, I don’t want to represent you ass holes.  So here’s my problem today.  I just got yelled at for twenty minutes by some fucking housewife who has nothing better to do than sit around all day and bitch at security for not calling her for her gardener/ maid/ in this case, a fucking pizza guy.  You ordered the pizza, right?  Then you didn’t tell security.  Then you expected us to hold him up and call you because you need someone to talk to because you have no friends.  That’s right.  I see everyone who goes in and out of your house.  It’s your parents and your gardener.  And I hope you’re fucking reading this, bitch.  Then you can write an angry letter to the HOA and they can fire me, which will be awesome since my boss will not let me leave this shitty post because I do my job.

These housewives piss me off so much though.  They’ve got this huge fucking lamp post up their asses because they married rich guys and now those rich guys beat them and don’t listen to what they say and don’t think they’re hot anymore.  I almost feel sorry for them and then they open their mouths.  Boo hoo, I made bad choices and now I’m just a baby factory who lives in a nice house in a nice neighborhood with a bunch of other horrible people.  I saw it all the time when I was working security at the pool at this same community.  The man would come in with his favorite kid on his arm and his wife would lug six other kids, the pool toys, the bags with the towels and sunblock, and any babies who couldn’t walk in after him.  I’d ask him to sign in and he’d walk on by, immediately delegating the task to his wife, ass hole that he is.  For a fraction of a second, I’d feel her pain.  She’s unappreciated and struggling and her husband couldn’t care less.  Then she’d snatch the clipboard from my hands with her manicured fucking talons and start berating me for doing my job.  Lady, I have no fucking clue why your stupid-ass HOA wants me down here taking names but I’ve been searching for a job for six months and you’re not going to make me lose it.

I know part of this post is the rum talking.  Well, all of it is the rum talking because I try to keep my anger to a minimum while actually AT my shitty job.  I just wish that I didn’t have a job that made me see the worst in people.  Everyone I run into is immediately immature and condescending.  You haven’t seen adults turn into children until you’ve worked security.  Sweet Jesus, it’s awful.  Even the nice people are douche bags.  And the housewives are the worst because they have all day to sit around, unhappy with their gilded cages, and bitch about the dumbest shit.  YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE ANYTHING TO BE AFRAID OF!  Why the fuck are you living in a gated community?  The bottom line is: I desperately need a new job.  Someone pay me to be sparkly and give things out.

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