I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

Observe and Report March 11, 2010

Filed under: My Job — Stephanie Fantastic @ 4:43 pm
Tags: , ,

I work security at the front gate of a working-rich community so I get a lot of calls from angry people asking me to dispatch guards for situations where there’s no way we could help. One old lady wanted the patrol guy to drive her to Newport Beach after his shift ended. Another man drove up to the back of the shack and sent his 6-year-old son out with a garbage bag held at arm’s length away because it contained a dead rabbit that had been on their lawn. Another lady called me furious that I had let a solicitor on property and when I ran the plate, it was a woman from the Census Bureau that the resident was calling about. And I received this call today.

Stephanie: Hello?
Man on phone: Hi, this is Mr. Such-And-Such from Address. I have a hive of hybrid Africanized bees on the side of my house.

At this point, I paused to have a small heart attack. I mean, did he want me to send someone out with a stick? With all the “There’s a dog running around. Go get it.” calls I get and the inevitable “What do we even HAVE security for?”, I was a little worried.

Mr. Such-And-Such: So I need you to let Bee Busters in at 4.

I laughed out loud and thanked the Baby Jesus.

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3 Responses to “Observe and Report”

  1. DJ Schway Says:

    Haha, nice. I don’t know if it’s better or worse working security for senile old rich folk… We get calls like “my toilet is overflowing and I can’t stop it! It’ll flood the whole house!” to which I have to tell them that we are not allowed to enter their household, and they need to call a plumber.

    The best thing I heard though, was a resident complained that we wait too long to change the streetlight that allows the residents to turn into the property. Why in Primus’s name would they think we control a traffic light?!

  2. Stephanie Says:

    Oh wow, that is good. I’ve never been asked to change the traffic lights fastr before, lol. When I worked at Tuesday Morning, I constantly heard, “Ma’am, you need to make these aisles wider or the carts smaller!” from the old ladies.

  3. DJ Schway Says:

    Haha, ridiculous! “Oh sure, let me just go get my tools.” *rolls eyes*


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