I'm So Great: The Rantings of a Jaded Youth

When I grow up, I want to be just like me.

I work in a job where it’s okay to hire people who have been lobotomized. February 26, 2010

I never used to understand why all my previous employers had a fit when I learned being a cashier/answering telephones/menial work very, very fast.  Now that I’ve been the one training employees for a security company, I understand.  I can no longer count the number of fuck-ups I’ve trained.  One guy told me he passed out at a party and woke up with a bottle up his ass…but he liked it.  Another socially inept retard quit after he loudly and awkwardly tried to ask me out dancing and I mentioned I have a boyfriend.  This trainee today, however, takes the cake.

Between cars he said not one word to me.  We sat in silence for at least seven of the eight hours.  Not just silence though, that would be too comfortable.  He stared into space with this blank, open-mouthed stare that said, Nothing is going on in my head.  When he tried to get something as simple as an address, I had to tell him five or six times the last two numbers because he just wasn’t getting it.  Security is a job for two basic kinds of people: those who want to be cops and those who fucked up their life.  This guy was definitely in the latter category. I have to say that three more days of training this guy is making me seriously consider homicide.

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2 Responses to “I work in a job where it’s okay to hire people who have been lobotomized.”

  1. DJ Schway Says:

    Oh God, I hear you. I haven’t had to train anybody that was that bad, but I’ve seen it. When somebody leaves my post for whatever reason, we usually go though 3 people before finding a suitable replacement. It is bad.

    And I was gonna get offended since you basically just called me a fuck up in life… But then I noticed that means you’re calling yourself one too, haha. And you’re probably right in regards to me.

    • Stephanie Says:

      Lol, we’re all pretty fucked up. Did you graduate high school on time? I didn’t and neither did any of my friends and all for different stupid reasons. We’re a new generation of disaffected youths.


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